Even to nip into a "coffee shop" and devote your day to sampling as much of the herbal menu as possible would be irrational.Being outside, senses sharp, is the way to experience Queen's Day. Jazz bands drift past on the canals ­ waterways normally lined by sober 17th-century mansions topped with elaborate gables, but today enhanced by clowns and jugglers topped with orange plastic crowns.Meanwhile, the odd orange fairy on stilts keeps a high-altitude eye on proceedings. A magic travel wand helps if you want to join in the civic jollity. I arrived on the not-so-express train from Flushing because all flights into Schiphol airport were booked. So I took a ferry from Dover, a ferry to Ostend, a train to Bruges, a bus over the border to Holland, a ferry across the river Scheldt to Flushing, then the train. Next morning, I had to make the same journey in reverse, while the municipal patient recovered from her indulgence of the previous day.

Amsterdam felt more sluggish than the dreariest Boxing Day in Britain. One place still sparkled, though: the Grand Caf?estaurant 1e Klas, occupying the former First Class Waiting Room in the now-placid Central Station. At 9.30am, the neo-Gothic wonder opened, supplying a fresh Dutch breakfast before the Flushing Flyer departed. The train flashed passed the jail, but no prisoners flashed back. As it clattered on towards Schiphol airport, a familiar aircraft fluttered past the window.

Of course, I thought, that's what the orgy of orange looked like: the intergalactic staff party for easyJet.• Simon Calder is co-author, with Fred Mawer, of the 'Spiral Guide to Amsterdam', published this week by AA Publishing, £9.99. In rural retreat? Take a voyage round the Underground, says Andrew Martin In these days of foot and mouth, one scans the brain ­ the mollifications of Nick Brown not withstanding ­ for a quintessentially urban day out, and surely a trip around the London Underground qualifies. All you will need for the following jaunt is a Zones 1 to 4 Travelcard (£4.30), a Tube map and an A-Z. The pace is leisurely, and the itinerary can be completed between the morning and evening rush hours, with a stop for lunch. Begin at Baker Street, a beautiful station lent a country-house feel by extensive wainscotting. It was opened in 1863 by the Metropolitan Railway, whose flowing insignia can be seen all around in ironwork and stone.

The station was the confident statement of a company that would aspire to connect Manchester to Paris via a Channel tunnel. Instead came the ignominy of incorporation into the Underground.Head east on the Metropolitan Line, bathetic remnant of the ambitions of the Metropolitan Railway. Between Baker Street and Farringdon, you will ride along the oldest bit of underground railway in the world ­ feel those bogies rattle! (No, seriously, it's not the original track.) This stretch was opened in 1863, and built close to the surface by the cut-and-cover method, with roofs that are brick vaults ­ far more elegant than the pipe-shaped tunnels that would carry the later, deep level lines.At Liverpool Street pick up a coffee on the mainline concourse, then continue east on the Hammersmith and City line. Change at Whitechapel for the East London line, which was incorporated into the Underground in 1913. Heading south, between Wapping and Rotherhithe stations you will pass through the world's first underwater tunnel, built in 1843. If you hop on to the platform at either stations, you can see the original brickwork of the tunnel, while the Thames's presence is betokened by a disturbing, brackish stink.

Ten men died during the tunnel's construction.At Canada Water you hit the Jubilee Line Extension, opened in 1999. You could fit Canary Wharf tower into Canary Wharf station but the station to the east, North Greenwich, is even bigger: you could fit the QE2 into that. You should see at least these two cathedral-like stations on the extension, then head east to the terminus at Stratford, to change on the Central Line and come back west.At Bank alight to the refrain of "Mind the gap" Marvel at that gap ­ a good 18 inches wide. It arose from the need to build a subterranean line that followed the patterns of the streets above, rather than going under houses, for which wayleave was required to be paid. There are gaps of some sort at around 60 Underground stations Imagine if even one appeared on the Berlin U-Bahn.